Today, we celebrate twenty years of marriage - the absolute h-a-r-d way (LOL)! Seriously, I can only speak on our experiences and in no way have advice about being successful in your marriage. Honestly, there is no perfect answer to the question, 'What is the secret?'.
I know what worked for us.
We Started Innocently Enough
But we were not innocent. No judgment. We both did our share of wrong before we ever met at GSW. I have said it before; we were just kids at the beginning of our relationship. We became friends talking about whatever drama on campus or professors or about what we were going to eat for lunch. One day we talked for hours about something, but I don't remember what...but that conversation just branched off into a discussion about what we saw for our futures. Sometime later I realized I looked forward to talking about all the 'goings on' that were not a big deal looking back on it now. Whoa. We were just kids. All that to say we were friends and through some trials became best friends. Twenty years later I still can't wait to tell my best friend about my day.
Never Perfect
We were young, so of course, we created our own set of drama. We had our first son a year before we got married and he would be God's saving grace for us. When we became parents, it magnified (at that time) the fact that we did not know each other at all. We got married, and the beginning of our marriage was so hard compared to what we thought about marriage! We had brought a lot of the drama we created into the journey and we had no financial plan. PSA: Please talk about money before getting married. I am not talking just dollars and cents either. I am talking about a "Do you expect me to work?" or "Are you ambitious?" type of discussion. I am blessed in this area; my husband has always provided for his family by working hard and sacrificing sleep to get those ends to meet. The other difficulties came from trying to reconcile our flaws with a romanticized picture we had imagined.
Our second son was born, and he would represent God's confirmation of our union. If I expanded more on that this blog would become a novel. Let's just say our second son came along right when we both could have bolted from pure fear. If we were going to end, it would have been before we had made it a year.
The three of us turned into four of us; we decided that we owed it to our family - no matter what we would do the work. Divorce is not our option (easy right? wrong), so we better figure it out.
The First Ten
I have to say that we have not had years of marital bliss. We have had many countless battles about everything. From family to the methodology of raising kids, from careers to household chores, from vacation destinations to sex. You name it - we have argued about it. Wanted to give up too many times to count. Thought many times 'this does not work'. Wondered 'Why did I get married?'.
Neither one of us ever walked away. Thought it. Considered it.
We have so many 'blissful' memories and moments that outweigh the difficulties of marriage. Our first daughter (third child) came along, and she would be a reminder of God's promise for our marriage. She came along at a time of big transitions for our family. Our second daughter (fourth child) God blessed us with a little Hope. We had made it ten years, and our family had grown to six.
Happy Anniversary
I would say what worked for us is our shared values of family and what we needed to sacrifice for them. Also, trying balance it all -because we were sacrificing for our kids it did not mean we forgot to work on our marriage. Not easy. Some days were just a blur of chaos.
Ten more years, and we have two young men in college. Our girls are now 13 and soon to be 10. I feel joyful when I look back at our twenty years and what we have accomplished together for our family. Praise God.
Not perfect. Not a model to follow. Just us.
I am thankful for our family and friends who stood with us on this day twenty years ago. I am thankful to all who encouraged us along the way. If it is God's will, we hope that you all will stand with us again for our 25th vow renewal. That is going to be a BIG party!
Finally, I want to wish the Happiest Anniversary to my husband. I pray for at least twenty more chapters. You make this journey worth every battle because win or lose, I still get to walk away with my best friend.
