Getting ready to turn 21!

In August, a family emergency took center stage and it took time from our focus celebrating twenty years; and (counting) seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven months of marriage.

Celebrating his birthday at TOP GOLF his favorite past time.
We 'let' him win.

I am happy to proclaim that we came through these last few months learning more and even stronger.  We found a new consideration for our marriage which is balancing our roles as children - caring for our parents.  On August 23rd, my 65 year old father was badly injured in a car wreck.  My siblings and I became laser focused on him & my mother.  Looking back on it now, I can say I would not have been able to do it without my husband helping and encouraging me and taking on the schedule of our girls full time.  But while going through it...we tested each other's patience.  Men and women think differently is not even close to a definition, it is more like two people pushing their own agendas.  I am so glad we do not think exactly the same but it does cause (at times) conflict.  We argued one day after an exhausting week of traveling back and forth to see about my dad.  My husband walks by an unshakable faith and I am (while I do have faith) pragmatic.  I don't like to leave anything un-addressed.  He believes I focus too much on worst case scenarios and I like to be prepared.  After a long discussion (over a few days) we determined that our differences are meant to work together.  I am so glad God designed us to work this way and now we can see it.  I am not saying it is always pretty, I mean we are both flawed but when we give it to HIM it all works together.  I feel confident that as long as we remember that - we can navigate into chapter 21.  God only knows...and we trust HIM.

On a trip to Houston to visit our
brother and sister in law.

Hubby took his girls out to a Hawks game
and was so happy his girls had fun!

When my father was successfully on the mend, we emerged so grateful.  He is still here and everyday since I have witnessed miracle after miracle.

A wonderful change.

Our family life started get back to balanced and we made sure to continue our year long focus on our chapter 20.

Date night!🥰
 V-103 Winterfest 2019 - Atlanta

He treated me to a weekend in the city and a concert 

that included all of my favorite artists.  

Our weekend was wonderful & concerts 

have become our new thing!!!

Next up photo session...

because we are turning 21!!!

7.16.2019

6.16.2019

6.16.2019 ”Don’t nobody argue more than a couple who ain't NEVER breaking up”

A friend on FB shared this post with that very appropriate quote and I think it fits with our #20yrs5mos journey. If you have been following me for awhile on FB you know I like ”equal opportunity” messages because on SM it's easy to come across to others like everything is perfect. #hubbygetonmynerves #igetonhisnervestoo Believe me. Only God is perfect and HE is continually perfecting us for one another. We are purposefully >>> in progress. 🥰 

From our Vegas trip: Had SO much fun and ate too much food! Won about $150 and then gave $60 back to the stupid machines. 🤷🏽‍♀️Lol! Gotta have a better plan next time. But most importantly we will have this adventure as a part of our #20yrs5mos memory book! Thank you, Honee Bunches for continuing to develop our romance. 🥰 I love you even though you think my Circus Circus is too old to be operating and you decided that we could walk .35 miles at 2PM in the desert heat.🤣 We easily broke our fitness records with at least 80,000 steps combined.🥵 I could not imagine doing any of this with anybody other than you. 😘 — at Tropicana – Las Vegas Boulevard intersection.

5.16.2019

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.” -Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

What works for our marriage is -- I know for sure he wants me. After body changes from giving birth to four children to getting older to gaining more weight from stress (and depression) my husband still looks at me the way he did 20 years ago. It is another essential key that I would say makes our marriage worth the work. Not perfect, but also not complicated.

4.16.2019

We are at the 20 years and 3 month mark!!! I know, I know...but it is a big deal for us. So, the celebration continues...💞

3.16.2019

3.16.2019 - We are halfway through March already?!? Hubby said he is taking me to see a concert! 💕We’ve never been to one. Celebrating our 20th all year long is such fun! ❤️

We got the question ‘how y’all made it to 20 years when it is so rare nowadays?’

Our answer was - it is not easy because we both mess it up everyday. What works for us may not work for someone else, so this is not a rule. We had a lot of wisdom shared with us on the days we thought about quitting and we have some great role models in our family & friends. Most of all we try to put God first in our marriage. Notice I said ‘try’ because we are both flawed selfish human beings. But at our core we both love God and our love for Him navigates our story.💝

2.16.2019

10 years in, we were just halfway to 20 and GOD gave us a little Hope!

Making it to Our Chapter 20...

Today, we celebrate twenty years of marriage - the absolute h-a-r-d way (LOL)! Seriously, I can only speak on our experiences and in no way have advice about being successful in your marriage.  Honestly, there is no perfect answer to the question, 'What is the secret?'.  

I know what worked for us.

We Started Innocently Enough

But we were not innocent. No judgment.  We both did our share of wrong before we ever met at GSW. I have said it before; we were just kids at the beginning of our relationship.  We became friends talking about whatever drama on campus or professors or about what we were going to eat for lunch.  One day we talked for hours about something, but I don't remember what...but that conversation just branched off into a discussion about what we saw for our futures.  Sometime later I realized I looked forward to talking about all the 'goings on' that were not a big deal looking back on it now.  Whoa.  We were just kids.  All that to say we were friends and through some trials became best friends.  Twenty years later I still can't wait to tell my best friend about my day. 

Never Perfect

We were young, so of course, we created our own set of drama.  We had our first son a year before we got married and he would be God's saving grace for us.  When we became parents, it magnified (at that time) the fact that we did not know each other at all.  We got married, and the beginning of our marriage was so hard compared to what we thought about marriage!  We had brought a lot of the drama we created into the journey and we had no financial plan.  PSA: Please talk about money before getting married.  I am not talking just dollars and cents either.  I am talking about a "Do you expect me to work?" or "Are you ambitious?" type of discussion.  I am blessed in this area; my husband has always provided for his family by working hard and sacrificing sleep to get those ends to meet.  The other difficulties came from trying to reconcile our flaws with a romanticized picture we had imagined.  

Our second son was born, and he would represent God's confirmation of our union.  If I expanded more on that this blog would become a novel.  Let's just say our second son came along right when we both could have bolted from pure fear.  If we were going to end, it would have been before we had made it a year. 

The three of us turned into four of us; we decided that we owed it to our family - no matter what we would do the work.  Divorce is not our option (easy right? wrong), so we better figure it out. 

The First Ten

I have to say that we have not had years of marital bliss.  We have had many countless battles about everything.  From family to the methodology of raising kids, from careers to household chores, from vacation destinations to sex.  You name it - we have argued about it. Wanted to give up too many times to count. Thought many times 'this does not work'. Wondered 'Why did I get married?'. 

Neither one of us ever walked away.  Thought it. Considered it.

We have so many 'blissful' memories and moments that outweigh the difficulties of marriage. Our first daughter (third child) came along, and she would be a reminder of  God's promise for our marriage. She came along at a time of big transitions for our family.  Our second daughter (fourth child) God blessed us with a little Hope.  We had made it ten years, and our family had grown to six.

Happy Anniversary

I would say what worked for us is our shared values of family and what we needed to sacrifice for them.  Also, trying balance it all -because we were sacrificing for our kids it did not mean we forgot to work on our marriage. Not easy. Some days were just a blur of chaos.

Ten more years, and we have two young men in college.  Our girls are now 13 and soon to be 10.  I feel joyful when I look back at our twenty years and what we have accomplished together for our family.  Praise God. 

Not perfect. Not a model to follow.  Just us.

I am thankful for our family and friends who stood with us on this day twenty years ago.  I am thankful to all who encouraged us along the way. If it is God's will, we hope that you all will stand with us again for our 25th vow renewal. That is going to be a BIG party!

Finally, I want to wish the Happiest Anniversary to my husband. I pray for at least twenty more chapters.  You make this journey worth every battle because win or lose, I still get to walk away with my best friend.